An old Italian peasant proverb says “Wife and oxen from your own country”, yet in our era of globalization this advice is (fortunately) followed less and less, and couples who follow their hearts across national borders are on the rise. I believe, in fact, that the increase in international couples is a positive development, since the blending of cultures — as long as it does not become the absorption of one civilization by another, and therefore the domination of one spouse over the other — brings enrichment for all of humanity.
However, as a private investigator who has been handling family and matrimonial investigations for 45 years, I must say that meeting, courting, dating, and marrying a foreign partner involves certain complications and various risks that should be carefully considered:
- The initial acquaintance and courtship of a foreign partner often takes place online, and it is well known that the web hides far more dangers than any ballroom. Chief among these risks are romantic and financial scammers, sexual predators, and human traffickers.
The key to preventing these risks is to maintain a healthy level of caution:
- Never comply with requests for money, whatever the stated reason.
- Only after an adequate period of mutual acquaintance (adequate both in quality and in time), reveal your full identity, and do not carelessly share images or details of your private life.
- Conduct background checks on the social profiles of virtual suitors. It is advisable that these checks be carried out by uninvolved third parties who can objectively identify any inconsistencies.
Following the numerous requests from clients around the world who wish to track down non-existent “friends” behind whom criminal scam rings are hiding, my investigative agency Octopus has established a procedure to verify ongoing scams and — often the harder task — open the victims’ eyes.
- The early stages of a new relationship should be a time of mutual discovery; however, it is well known that during this exploratory phase people are often blinded by infatuation, and the person involved prefers to idealize rather than truly get to know their partner.
Before going so far as to request a full pre-matrimonial investigation from the Octopus Detective Agency, the person involved and their family members can do a great deal to anticipate and prevent problems with a new partner. In addition to all the typical behaviours of a toxic partner, there are a number of warning signs that should be carefully heeded in the case of international couples:
- The new foreign partner shows no interest in the language of the person they are about to marry and makes no effort whatsoever to learn it. This does not mean they must speak your language fluently (they may simply be a hopeless language learner through no fault of their own), but they must at least show warmth toward the people they are about to become part of — otherwise it is not integration, but colonization.
Of course, the problem cuts both ways: you cannot claim to have found the LOVE of your life after picking up an attractive girl at a nightclub or a young man on the beach during a holiday abroad, if you were interested solely in their physical appearance and had no curiosity or desire to learn their language, discover their culture, or meet their family, etc.
- They tend to excessively criticize your host country, your family and friends, pushing you toward isolation.
- They have no family history or prior relationship history, or they refuse to share it with you, also avoiding introducing you to their relatives.
- They show excessive nostalgia for their home country, which they left either to follow you or to seek their fortune.
- When the relationship becomes serious and you begin to discuss an official engagement and marriage, precautions must go beyond the personal and take on legal substance; consult a lawyer specialising in international family law and a lawyer from your partner’s country of origin in order to decide:
- The best matrimonial agreements to sign;
- The matrimonial property regime to choose and where to celebrate the marriage;
- Where possible, the choice of the Country’s law to apply in the event of separation/divorce
- The registration of any real estate, movable property, and bank accounts.
If you remain within the European Union, the regularization of matrimonial and parental arrangements is considerably simplified by mutually recognised regulations; however, do not rely on this entirely, as in the event of disputes, local legal technicalities and political parochialism may take precedence over international agreements.
For a free and confidential consultation
(+39) 335 77 57613 (also WhatsApp, Telegram Signal)
Francesco Finanzon
Although not recognised in Italy, prenuptial agreements are an effective way to regulate the union and any separation of international couples.
International separations and divorces involving minor children.
Advice from the private matrimonial investigator.
When an international couple reaches separation, the greatest risk lies in the fact that the spouse in a foreign land often wants to return to their home country and sometimes does so together with the children born of the marriage, disregarding the children’s best interests.
There are many laws and international agreements that in theory counter child abduction and the retention of children in foreign countries; however, one must not rely on them, as such rules are frequently violated by the parties involved and the Authorities are generally too slow to intervene effectively.
Beyond engaging a lawyer to handle the separation and related agreements, I advise my clients at the Octopus detective agency, who are facing a problematic international separation involving minor children, to take the following personal steps as a precaution against the risk of child abduction and flight abroad:
- Make sure your minor children have not already obtained a passport.
In theory, the presence and consent of both parents is required to issue a travel document; however, in 45 years as a private investigator I have come across tricks used to circumvent the requirement for both parents’ consent that leave one more dismayed by the system than impressed by the ruse. A passport could be issued by either of the parents’ countries of origin, or by a third country, if the parent at risk of abduction holds dual citizenship.
- As long as you share a home with the separating spouse, keep an eye on their passport and the belongings they might take with them in the event of fleeing with the children.
- Constantly monitor small bank deposits or even simply the piggy banks of children at risk of abduction; check that wardrobes are not being emptied and that no one is packing bags without your knowledge.
- Notify the Public Security Authorities and School Authorities of the risk of child abduction, giving the latter precise instructions regarding who is authorised to collect the children from school.
- Observe your children carefully and talk to them frequently, to understand whether they are being pressured by the other parent or subjected to parental alienation.
- Track children at risk of abduction using GPS trackers and, where possible, also monitor the movements of the ex-spouse who might take them from you.
When the crime of child abduction has already been committed, I advise filing all relevant reports with the Judicial Authority and the Foreign Ministry, though without placing too much reliance on swift and meaningful intervention. It is therefore wise to take personal initiatives such as visiting the children held abroad or having them located by a private investigator and monitoring them while awaiting international arrest warrants or other measures taken by the local Authorities.
Furthermore, the Octopus detective agency specialises in the exfiltration and repatriation of minors, in cases where the Authorities of the host country fail to respect international agreements and the children’s wellbeing.
For a free and confidential consultation
(+39) 335 77 57613 (also WhatsApp, Telegram Signal)
Francesco Finanzon
In the event of child abduction by an ex-spouse
it is advisable to call upon a private detective capable of
locating, monitoring, and if necessary exfiltrating them, securing their repatriation.